I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.
47% of all statistics are worthless.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.