Funny Facebook Statuses

I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?

I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.

My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

47% of all statistics are worthless.

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!

I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.

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